I don't have much time to post at the moment, but didn't want to let too much time go by with so much going on.
Today I met Dr. Schuftan for the first time. I am really impressed! He was extremely personable, wholeheartedly on board for planning for a home birth, and was just generally a joy. He gave me some Midwife resources, which I will follow up with this week as none of the women I've tried to contact have been able to get back to me. Hopefully I'll have some closure on that soon, with a backup doc ready to go and a midwife I trust. At 28 weeks it feels a bit weird not to have my team in place. I also have contracted with Dolphin Doula, an extremely highly recommended team from San Mateo. We went to the Meet The Doulas night a couple weeks ago, and were very impressed. Of course, it's hard to know how they'll be when things go down, but since everyone and their mother seems to think they're the bee's knees, I'll just trust.
This whole thing involves quite a bit of trust. In professionals, in myself, in my body, in medicine, in nature, in Eric. I'm working hard on remaining open to what is, and not clinging to any sense of what I want or need. Sort of extreme realism. So far it has served me well, and I hope to continue in that vein as things get more intense.
The wonderful news is that the antepartum depression seems to have lifted considerably, and I'm feeling much more grounded and happy. If I dwell too long on the hardship and difficulty of what lies ahead (and by ahead I mean parenting, not the birth) I am able to get myself pretty well back down into that funk.. so instead I try to push it aside and concentrate on the hard work of keeping myself healthy and celebrating the positives that I know will come along with this little girl. I'm still not exactly excited, but I'm at least not in a constant state of dread. I guess I should take it, huh?
Body-wise, I'm definitely popping out and full of baby. I've not gained a single pound overall since getting pregnant, which is wacky. Especially since now I know there are at least 5-8 pounds of baby and placenta and amniotic fluid in there now. Eric and I can both see a distinct change in my body - I'm getting back to where I was when we met, which is kind of nice. Well, except for the GIANT BELLY and inflated boobs. I contribute the weight loss/evening out to the fact that I can't really eat a large quantity of anything anymore and tend to graze all day on high-protein, high-fat snacks that are *gasp* good for me! Peanut butter and apples, babybel cheeses, toast and jam with cream cheese, cereals with whole milk, etc. I've renewed my love of fruit, and big doughy carby things aren't quite as alluring. Go baby - making me eat well. Heartburn has been creeping up on me, (and that's no surprise given the constant pressure on my gastric sphincters + hormones) but thankfully I'm *supposed* to be having one Tums a day to help with my calcium, so it all evens out.
I took my final 3 hour glucose test today. It sucked. But it's done now. Apparently there was no reason to take it twice, or so says Dr. S. Ah well.
A practical matter that has been bugging me has been how to best make sure that our needs are well attended after the birth. I know that we're both going to be exhausted, and with no family nearby I fear that we'll be doing it largely alone. I am 100% sure that Grandma and Aunt Sharlotte will be visiting frequently, as well as my Dad and Sandy (who have already begun making plans!), but I am just sort of boggling at how to cover the ins and outs of life in the first several months, especially once Eric returns to work. I can only remember the other times in my life when I've needed such help, and how readily I was cared for by those who love me. I'm sure all I will need to do is ask. I just need to figure out how I'm going to do that without feeling like a mooch.
Signing off from babyland..
Showing posts with label homebirth. Show all posts
Showing posts with label homebirth. Show all posts
Tuesday, February 21, 2012
Friday, January 20, 2012
23 Weeks
Solidly into the second trimester, I'm definitely feeling more pregnant. More movement from BGR, more tugging on the round ligaments, etc. I've been battling my gagging reflex in the mornings, but I'm finding that if I drink or eat something before hopping in the shower, things are more manageable.
Everyone says that the 2nd trimester is the best.. that there's a golden span of a few months where everything feels great and you're not too big yet. Well, my theory on that is that there's a short period in the middle where you're *used* to all of your aches, pains, symptoms and ailments.. so you have the coping mechanisms to fight them, and you've yet to add on a whole 'nother slew. I can't say it's all cleared up and I'm feeling peachy-keen.. just that it's a bunch of devil-I-know. So, I'll take it.
If I sound a little down.. well.. that's because I am. I'm finding that my emotions are all over the map, but often down where the days are dark and gloomy. I often find myself sad for 'no reason'.. or if there is a reason, my reaction is exaggerated. Classic chemical imbalance, caused by hormones. And when it happens, I know that's the case, but it doesn't make it any easier to weather. It stinks to be sad all the time. Eric has been extremely patient and loving, and offers his warm shoulder whenever I need to just cry. He has weathered the changes in me with great kindness and patience. I'm so very lucky to have him by my side. (He even talks to the baby once in a while.. it's very sweet.)
The biggest news in babyland is that we are seriously considering planning for a home birth. I am well aware that que sera sera, and that when it comes down to it we may find ourselves in a hospital with a doctor I don't know, slicing me open for a c-section while I lay catatonic. Which is not to say that I am expecting that things will go wrong, but I do know that this baby will be born in the way it should, and that's all there is to it. I can plan all I want!
Why home birth? There are a couple of reasons that stand out. I feel very strongly that medical intervention should not be required for the majority of births. The "we've been doing it for millions of years" argument is a good one, and it feels strange to me to step in where nature already knows the way. Monitoring, yes.. coaching, of course. And medical expertise is very necessary! But surgery and drugs? We already make the drugs we need in our bodies. The predominant reason for the induction of babies is the need for the hospital bed to turn over, and for liability to be minimized. That makes me sick to my stomach.
I've also been learning by hearing about birth stories where the mother's wishes were plowed under in the name of 'medicine.' The attitude that I've read and heard about by some hospital staff (some from them directly!) really echoes the Monty Python vignette from Meaning of Life about childbirth, where the mother says "Shall I push?" and the doctor responds with "No my dear, you're NOT qualified!" I want my child to come into the world on its own schedule, with love and patience and respect for the incredibly momentous event that is taking place. I'm sure that is possible to achieve in a clinical setting, but I do not have a strong belief that it will be tolerated, and I don't want to have to fight that battle in the moment. I've heard stories of people being asked to moan less, and make less noise while they deliver because its scaring the other moms. WHAT?? Huh?? How dare you!
The other big reason Eric and I both are in favor of home birth is that the processes that the brain and body undergo during birth are extremely important in terms of chemical bonding. While I completely comprehend that there have been millions (maybe billions) of babies born with anesthesia and by c-section, and that their mothers love them fiercely and without measure, I still feel connected to the evolutionary process that has been honed to perfect the chemical bonding that occurs when oxytocin is released in response to birth. The process is so complex and subtle that there is no substitute. If by having a routine hospital birth I am signing up to be 65% likely to NOT allow that experience to occur, I would forever regret that choice.
Do I think home birth will be easy? Hellll no. In fact, it scares me to think of the extended pain and difficulty. I worry that I will be begging for the easy way out within hours. I worry that I will be one of the 1% of mommies for whom transfer becomes not only begged for but medically necessary to prevent injury or death. But the 1% vs. 35% is a hugely impressive difference, and I feel strongly that I need to do what my heart tells me to do.
Now we are looking into this option and narrowing down our options in terms of finding a midwife (and also a doula), figuring out how to pay for all of these services, and begin receiving prenatal care from them. I have my first appointment with my replacement obstetrician on Wednesday, and I was hoping to have a decision made (or at least well considered) by then. Better get cracking!
I am heartened by the fact that more people are coming out of the woodwork and telling me that they either had or considered home birth. That they had midwives and doulas, or wished they'd had the balls to do it at home. Those kinds of stories bolster me and help me believe that I can do it if I am committed. I also have a dear friend Colleen who sat with me yesterday and told me of her two home births of her sons. It was really important for me to hear it from someone so passionate and successful. If I am half the mother that Colleen is to her children, I would be satisfied.
In more mundane news, we have all the furniture we could need, which is fantastic. Families from my work at CLC have sold or donated a crib, rocking glider chair, changing table, armoire, and shelving units. Not to mention books, dvds, and adorable little outfits. I am so happy to not be impacting the environment as much by buying yet more stuff. There will already be a lot we'll have to get, so having the big stuff out of the way is going to be fantastic. We're very lucky to have such a robust and generous community.
And on that note.. I'm off to make some space to PUT all this furniture that's on its way to us. One more week 'til viability! Hooray!
Everyone says that the 2nd trimester is the best.. that there's a golden span of a few months where everything feels great and you're not too big yet. Well, my theory on that is that there's a short period in the middle where you're *used* to all of your aches, pains, symptoms and ailments.. so you have the coping mechanisms to fight them, and you've yet to add on a whole 'nother slew. I can't say it's all cleared up and I'm feeling peachy-keen.. just that it's a bunch of devil-I-know. So, I'll take it.
If I sound a little down.. well.. that's because I am. I'm finding that my emotions are all over the map, but often down where the days are dark and gloomy. I often find myself sad for 'no reason'.. or if there is a reason, my reaction is exaggerated. Classic chemical imbalance, caused by hormones. And when it happens, I know that's the case, but it doesn't make it any easier to weather. It stinks to be sad all the time. Eric has been extremely patient and loving, and offers his warm shoulder whenever I need to just cry. He has weathered the changes in me with great kindness and patience. I'm so very lucky to have him by my side. (He even talks to the baby once in a while.. it's very sweet.)
The biggest news in babyland is that we are seriously considering planning for a home birth. I am well aware that que sera sera, and that when it comes down to it we may find ourselves in a hospital with a doctor I don't know, slicing me open for a c-section while I lay catatonic. Which is not to say that I am expecting that things will go wrong, but I do know that this baby will be born in the way it should, and that's all there is to it. I can plan all I want!
Why home birth? There are a couple of reasons that stand out. I feel very strongly that medical intervention should not be required for the majority of births. The "we've been doing it for millions of years" argument is a good one, and it feels strange to me to step in where nature already knows the way. Monitoring, yes.. coaching, of course. And medical expertise is very necessary! But surgery and drugs? We already make the drugs we need in our bodies. The predominant reason for the induction of babies is the need for the hospital bed to turn over, and for liability to be minimized. That makes me sick to my stomach.
I've also been learning by hearing about birth stories where the mother's wishes were plowed under in the name of 'medicine.' The attitude that I've read and heard about by some hospital staff (some from them directly!) really echoes the Monty Python vignette from Meaning of Life about childbirth, where the mother says "Shall I push?" and the doctor responds with "No my dear, you're NOT qualified!" I want my child to come into the world on its own schedule, with love and patience and respect for the incredibly momentous event that is taking place. I'm sure that is possible to achieve in a clinical setting, but I do not have a strong belief that it will be tolerated, and I don't want to have to fight that battle in the moment. I've heard stories of people being asked to moan less, and make less noise while they deliver because its scaring the other moms. WHAT?? Huh?? How dare you!
The other big reason Eric and I both are in favor of home birth is that the processes that the brain and body undergo during birth are extremely important in terms of chemical bonding. While I completely comprehend that there have been millions (maybe billions) of babies born with anesthesia and by c-section, and that their mothers love them fiercely and without measure, I still feel connected to the evolutionary process that has been honed to perfect the chemical bonding that occurs when oxytocin is released in response to birth. The process is so complex and subtle that there is no substitute. If by having a routine hospital birth I am signing up to be 65% likely to NOT allow that experience to occur, I would forever regret that choice.
Do I think home birth will be easy? Hellll no. In fact, it scares me to think of the extended pain and difficulty. I worry that I will be begging for the easy way out within hours. I worry that I will be one of the 1% of mommies for whom transfer becomes not only begged for but medically necessary to prevent injury or death. But the 1% vs. 35% is a hugely impressive difference, and I feel strongly that I need to do what my heart tells me to do.
Now we are looking into this option and narrowing down our options in terms of finding a midwife (and also a doula), figuring out how to pay for all of these services, and begin receiving prenatal care from them. I have my first appointment with my replacement obstetrician on Wednesday, and I was hoping to have a decision made (or at least well considered) by then. Better get cracking!
I am heartened by the fact that more people are coming out of the woodwork and telling me that they either had or considered home birth. That they had midwives and doulas, or wished they'd had the balls to do it at home. Those kinds of stories bolster me and help me believe that I can do it if I am committed. I also have a dear friend Colleen who sat with me yesterday and told me of her two home births of her sons. It was really important for me to hear it from someone so passionate and successful. If I am half the mother that Colleen is to her children, I would be satisfied.
In more mundane news, we have all the furniture we could need, which is fantastic. Families from my work at CLC have sold or donated a crib, rocking glider chair, changing table, armoire, and shelving units. Not to mention books, dvds, and adorable little outfits. I am so happy to not be impacting the environment as much by buying yet more stuff. There will already be a lot we'll have to get, so having the big stuff out of the way is going to be fantastic. We're very lucky to have such a robust and generous community.
And on that note.. I'm off to make some space to PUT all this furniture that's on its way to us. One more week 'til viability! Hooray!
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