In a week and a bit I'll go in for my second (and hopefully final) 3 hour glucose tolerance test. It was a nightmare last time - so this time I'm going to go in armed with a book, DVD, and phone charger. Should be an improvement this time. I am not showing any signs of GD, so I should hopefully still be clear. I could be better about exercising, but I think I'm doing well with food and so hopefully it's status quo. I'm worried about anything that might jeopardize my ability to have my birth at home.
On Thursday we will have our "Meet the Doulas" night and will hopefully get a bit further down the path of choosing doulas and finding out more about midwives. I went to see the new obstetrician the other day, and while she seemed very kind and competent, she shared with me that her office will not 'back up' home birth patients. So I'll need to look toward another office for that kind of support if I want to have an obstetrician on call in addition to my midwife. Thankfully they were able to make a recommendation about a specific practice nearby that has been known to handle homebirths in the past, and I was able to make my next appointment with a well-known and respected doctor there. Hopefully we will click and he'll support my desire to have a home birth. We'll see. One of the great takeaways from my last appointment was that the doctor said that she saw nothing that should impede my path to home birth - that I am considered low-risk and that everything looked great so far. So I'm very pleased about that, and can't wait to talk to a midwife and get down to brass tacks.
The baby is rocking and rolling in her warm little home - I'm getting new types of kicks and movement all the time. Recently she's taken to kicking downward toward my back, which is a weird sensation indeed. (Heh - she just did it again!) But for now she's letting me sleep, and be mostly comfortable while we share space. I'm definitely showing, and people who know me have started remarking, rubbing the belly, etc. When I see pictures of skinny chicks at 5 months, they're clearly super pregnant. I just have to remember that it's under there, the soccer ball uterus containing the rutabaga of a baby. Just because it's got some adipose bunting doesn't mean it's not as significant.
I'm reading two wonderful books; Ina May's Guide to Childbirth by Ina May Gaskin, one of the leading midwives in the country, as well as Motherless Mothers by Hope Edelman. The latter was recommended to me by a wise friend who had also lost her mother a significant time before her own pregnancy. It brings up a lot of strong and painful feelings, but I'm very happy to be processing them while I have the time and emotional space to do so. Considering how mothering may trigger profound grief is extremely valuable, as is hearing how healing many women have found their process of becoming a mother after losing their own. I must say, even before beginning the book, I have been overwhelmed with thoughts of my mom. What would she say? How did she experience pregnancy? What would she do to comfort me as I go through my depression and mood swings? What was life like for her with tiny children? What would she say about my choice to labor and birth at home? What rich advice could she be giving to me in the weeks after labor and delivery? The number of times she crosses my mind each day is extremely exaggerated - and though I could absolutely have predicted it, I am still struck dumb at times by my staggering feelings of loss and loneliness. Finding some community through the reading of the accounts of these women has been very healing so far, and I hope it continues to provide me with hope for reconciliation of some of these issues.
The depression I was speaking of in my last entry seems to have alleviated a bit - I'm definitely not quite at the same low as I have been for the last few months. I have a bit of increased energy as well, so I'm hoping that this is an upward trend for me and that my hormones have decided to give me a small break for a while. The emesis continues, and its not getting any easier to handle. That said, it is a known quantity now, so at least I can predict it and try to manage it as much as I can. I don't fight it anymore, I just let it roll on through. I know I could have it so much worse - I've talked to so many women who were violently ill through their entire 9 months (and then signed on to do it again!) and I thank my stars that I am only barfing once or twice a day. Still, I could really do without it.
The nursery has all of the necessary components, we just need to get off our butts and assemble everything and get the room set up. Thankfully we still have a couple mobile months left, so I'm hoping to get that underway soon. We have been extremely blessed by the warmth of our community, and have nearly all of our major needs met at this point. The diaper service has been selected, and the baby registry has begun.. I have a feeling we're really doing this thing.
Baby shower is set for April 1. We are still deciding how to handle it - try to have one big giant one and invite the whole county, or try to have a few smaller gatherings to hit different discrete groups of friends. I'm thinking of trying something distinctly non-traditional (What.. me?? Throw a non traditional milestone event?? Say it isn't so!!) so I need to kibbutz with my shower-faeries and see what they think. Either way - it's a lot less about the 'stuff' for me, and way more about celebration and being with friends cooing over my giant sloshy baby belly. We'll see! We've got two HUGE first birthdays to get through before then, not to mention mine and all sorts of other celebrations. So we'll cross that bridge when we come to it.
Signing off from babyland.. I love your comments so keep 'em coming! :) I like to see who is actually reading this dreck.
Have your doctors recommended either Unisom + B6 or Zofran for the emesis? If not, they're worth a whirl.
ReplyDeleteNo, they have been oddly silent on the subject of quelling the vomiting. I'll look into it.
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